When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
