I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My breasts were aching with rage.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
