There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
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My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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