this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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