she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
