I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Its about making memories worth repressing
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
