I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
