Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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