I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
