There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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