Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
