I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
