Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
