1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
