I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
