how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
