i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
