dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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