Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize