I can tuck mytits in my pants
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
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well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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