I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
