moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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