I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
