your thong is hanging out like whoa
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
