Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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