my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
