my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
