Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
