I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
