And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
