I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
