You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
