Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
