We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
