I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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