i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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