I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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