Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's just like the Real World with babies
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
