Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
