I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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