So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
