watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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