Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
