take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
