ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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