i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
