Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
