His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
