i love accidental penises.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
