he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
