Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You don't make any sense
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