Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Are my feet made of real feet?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
