he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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