Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
