wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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