I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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