I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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