I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
