Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
