it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
