The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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