What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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