I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
