We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
