My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
