You can't special order awesome
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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